I think I've hit the nail on the head, I've gone on and on just recently about me having a bit of a confidence slump and feeling a bit not like me, yeh I know you're all sick of hearing about it, but I think I know what's wrong!
The thing is, I've been trying so hard to look like so many other people I've forgotten how to look like me!
I love the blogging world, I love fashion, I love ohh'ing and ahh'ing over pretty outfits and beautiful clothes and beautiful people, but that ohhh'ing and ahhh'ing has turned into something a little bit dangerous for me, the more I looked at all those beautiful images I started thinking to myself 'oh my god, I don't look like that!'. I've been trying desperately, aimlessly to change my style or how I looked, getting frustrated because my outfits just didn't look quite right and that's been an odd cycle to go through that it's caused me a bit of a confidence melt down.
Since stumbling upon this road to loving myself and enjoying who I am I've loved having that freedom to just be who I want to be, dress how I want to dress and love it. But I've doubted myself, massively recently. Why? I don't know!
Since beginning blogging I have gained a little bit of weight which has pushed me into a slightly higher size bracket than what I'm used to. I used to comfortably wear a size 26, now I'm more of a comfortable size 30. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate myself or anything but it's really hard to grasp sometimes. I'm only human and change is hard, I'm like every other woman who has down days and up days.
I've even started doing things like blaming the fact that I'm single on my size, doing that thing that I tell other people off for! It's so ridiculous! I've been fat as long as I can remember, I've never had problems with meeting partners in the past, so why all of a sudden now? It's crazy isn't it!? Someone give me a good hard kick up the bum!
When the majority of plus size clothing lines end at a UK size 26 and you're sat staring longingly at a dress which you know isn't going to fit is a little disheartening. I'm not all of a sudden going to proclaim that I'm on some crazy crash diet or something, no, not at all (I'm sat here munching pretzels and drinking tea), but as a blogger it can be a little difficult staring in at a world that has very limited channels of acceptance as it is, to then break into a new realm of size isolation, it's like you have to re-learn the game again! I've started to feel like my size meant I couldn't properly keep up in the plus size blogging world because I couldn't wear all of the styles and outfits I'd been looking at longingly because a lot of them just aren't made to my new size 30 specifications.
This isn't to say that I believe my struggle is anymore desperate or difficult to that of anyone else because it isn't, but I wanted to share this from the heart and hoped that maybe you could relate to it too. We all go through our own personal struggles in our own little ways and I'm no exception. I haven't written from the heart on here for ages and I kind of felt like I needed to share everything that's going on with my own personal struggle with you all, so, here I admit it, I've struggled with my new size, that's it!
I want to go back to feeling like me, I don't care if I'm not the most stylish, trend setting, fashion forward blogger. I love me and my pretty dresses and my endless box of ballet flats. Yep, I've definitely taken a little turn style wise with more boyish outfits and bracing new things which is right for me and I love it, but this post is to remind me, that I am allowed to be me! My blog is about me and my outfits and my thoughts and my ramblings.
We're all so beautiful and unique in so many ways and that's the beauty of the blogosphere. There's a space and place for everyone no matter what your shape, size or style.
I feel a need to take a delve back into the past....
Ahhhhhh! Old times! I loved these pictures and these outfits, nothing to do with what size I was as I'm varying sizes in all of them I just look back and remember feeling fantastic in each and every one of those moments! In the end, it's OK to have a blip, a bit of a 'off moment' because those are the things that make us human, make us realise when we maybe need to change things for the better and I am a firm believer of 'if it's broke then FIX IT!' which is exactly what I am working to do.
Thank you for listening my loves, it's been nice to get back down to basics and be the Naomi I was at the beginning, talking honestly and openly because this is what this space is about, I don't care what retailer does or doesn't want to work with me, or constantly trying to be the most stylish or most coveted blogger, that has never been what this blog is about, this is a space for feeling good, looking good, being amazing and ranting and rambling about the things I love and loathe! Thanks for sticking with me...
Labels: confidence, Getting Back To Basics, Honesty, Who Am I?